I was cleaning out my Google Drive and I came across this document I wrote on October 9, 2011. I thought I’d share it here:
I feel a burden. I’ve felt it for a long time. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment the feeling appeared, but, I know when it became more persistent.
When I lived on Fort Belvoir I remember coming home and talking with Krista about how I’m dissatisfied with my job and how I want to do something more in line with my faith. I want to be directly involved with ministering to the lost—and to the found. Making the gospel known among the lost and solidifying it among the found has been on my heart for so long.
I cannot get enough of my Bible. Sure, I could read it more than I do, but even when I’m not reading it, I’m yearning for its truth. Any opportunity to discuss the things of God is a welcome opportunity to me. Two weeks out of every month I teach an adult Sunday School class and I love it. I could do it more often and that would suit me just fine. Happiness to me is time spent with my family, time spent studying God’s word, and time spent delivering God’s word to God’s people.
This weekend my eyes were opened to a startling fact. Day after day American people mill about entertaining themselves without so much as a care concerning eternity. I say this broadly as though I know the thoughts of every American, but I don’t. What I see points to that conclusion, however. The attitudes, speech, manner of dress, values, etc. all speak to priorities which do not include God and His word. This is the world in which we live and it’s getting worse each day.
The world I can understand, but God’s house is another issue entirely. While on vacation, Krista and I spent our Sunday morning in a Baptist church where the name of Jesus was spoken only by way of Hymns and the Lord’s Supper was served to anyone willing to partake. Scripture was read, songs were sung, but the feeling that the service was hollow and lacking the Holy Spirit was pervasive. I heard a startling statistic about how thousands of churches will close their doors each year and that made me incredibly sad. Now I’m worried that those whose doors remain open are as dead as those whose doors are closed.
I love the Lord. I’m grateful for His salvation. I have nothing to offer except my life in return for the grace shown me. Knowing my passion for God’s word and for it to be made known to all nations, all peoples, near or abroad, leads me to a crossroads in my life. Will I continue on the path set before me or will I engage this battle head on? Am I willing to be made available to God as he commands or will I seek a life of comfort and relative predictability? In my heart, I hear my voice saying, “I am no longer content to stand idly by while God’s word is not proclaimed boldly and wholly. I must act.”
Not willing to be caught up in an emotional response to a reality so many believers are already aware of, I offer this prayer and move forward in faith that God will sustain and bless my obedience, regardless of where his will takes me:
Lord, I offer to you my whole self. I have nothing more than that to give. You gave all for my salvation; to reconcile me to yourself, and I cannot repay you. Jeremiah 20:9 speaks of a man who when contemplating no longer speaking in your name or sharing your word is afflicted with a passion he likens to a fire being shut up in his bones. I have felt like this for years and have attempted to quench this fire with the pursuits of other endeavors. No longer. I pray now asking for the courage to step out in faith, trusting you to guide my steps and continue working for my good because I love You. Please give me discernment, wisdom, and peace as I seek you and the advancement of your kingdom. I pray this prayer in the name of Jesus, your Son and my Savior, Amen.
Last November, I stood before my church and publicly surrendered to God’s call on my life to preach the gospel. I’m so excited and humbled by this calling. I’m praying for God to enable me, sustain me, and use me for His glory and for His fame. I guess it’s time to sit down, buckle up, and get ready for the ride of my life.
To God be the glory!